I thought I didn't want this

I almost didn’t write this letter.

Not because I didn’t care. Not because I didn’t have time. But because it’s been feeling like I’m just going through the motions.

Every Thursday I show up and hit publish. But I haven’t felt proud of what I’m putting out. And when I don’t feel proud, it makes me question everything. “Do I even want this?” “Why does this feel like a chore now?” “Is this even worth it if no one’s reading?”

But here’s the thing—I do want this.

The problem isn’t the desire. It’s the effort. Or more accurately, the lack of it. When I’m not putting in my full effort, I start doubting my entire vision. Not because it’s wrong… but because I’m not honoring it.

That disconnect is what’s been fucking with me.

And maybe I just needed to say this out loud to remind myself: This isn’t supposed to feel perfect. It’s not always going to feel clear or exciting. But showing up—even messy, tired, unsure—is part of the process. It’s what builds the muscle.

So if you’ve been doubting your thing too, wondering why it feels off or like the love is fading—it might not be the dream that’s broken. It might just be you not moving like someone who believes in it.

And that’s where I’m at right now. Recommitting. Not to perfection. Just to presence.

See you next Thursday. I’ll be sharper. Louder. Deeper.

But for today? This is the win.